Benji baby (benji_baby) wrote,
Benji baby
benji_baby

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oye vey!

Dawn and Jeremy told me that Anna was trying to cheat on me with Jeremy...they said that she put the moves on him, but Jeremy had too much integrity to do anything. I was enraged.

Anna and Jeannie told me that Jeremy was lying, and that he put the moves on her, and that they went through with the cheating {they kissed}...anna said she had no choice because he forced her to do it.

I confused. I sad. I dont know what to think. I dont know who to believe or to what degree of truth each exposes. I depressed. I dont think I will ever trust anyone again in my life. I never truly trusted anyone, but i was hoping that someday soon I would be able to. This event, and this relationship has solidified my opinions. I will never trust, and I will never love again.

She told me at the beginning that I would get hurt. Why dont I ever listen?

Love does not exist. Ive never experienced it. Only lust. Lust is undying, and sometimes when lust becomes overpowering, the victim believes they are in love. Ive felt lust, both on the giving and recieving end, and I thought Ive given love, but Ive never felt it in return.

So Ive resigned myself to the fact that I merely felt lust towards my ex-girls, and that I can never be loved or fill the void that i feel.

I should be happy now. "He who expects nothing is blessed, for he shall never be dissappointed"

Please excuse me if thats not the exact quote. Im in Chem class and cant consult the bible. Science and religion dont mix.
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I know what it's like to never want to trust anyone. I really haven't put my complete trust into one single person, rather I distribute it out to a lot of people. I know that it's bad to never trust anyone so I shall try to tell you that some people can be trusted. I know that I have friends that I could probably trust, but I am afraid to- probaby based on the fact that I can't trust one of them.
As far as the void thing its really creepy. I wrote a poem about that based on you. therefore I am scared. I do feel extremely bad for being such a bitch to you for the past month. You know now that you can talk to me right?
so if need be email me or call my cell ok?
tootles
be happy
Hey! You're such a sweet guy and it sucks that that happened but try to be happy!

She obviously didn't deserve you and wasn't on the same level as you realtionship wise...He forced her to do it? That's really really lame...you're so much better than that from the little I know of you...you seem to have a lot of friends that think so too...

Don't give up on trust and love though...it's happened to me COUNTLESS times...being a girl...a gullable one too...but I didn't give up...when you find someone you can trust and someone that loves you and trusts you...it's the best feeling...I know that sounds corney as hell but it's true...

I hope you don't let this get to you too much...there's gotta be tons of pretty girls at your school...you could be the pimp! LoL

I'll talk to ya later...smile =OD

~Candi
Keep trying there benji. This anna girl sounds like one you want to keep. Keep trying to mend the situation, she'll come to evenually.
Hey ben, Its Danielle.. The gal with blue hair from School..

Anna's cool, but no one can even make someone kiss someone else. Its impossible.

Love does exist.. i know it does.. but lust is better and stonger.